A Trip Through the Past
by TheUniversesColors
Summary: Ianto gets presented a strange opportunity by a stranger in a letter to learn about someone once important and it's going to be as difficult for him as it sounds but, he'll have Jack by his side every step of the way whether he's really willing to except his help or not. OC's, Janto, slow start, tragic themes, fluff?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One.

Ianto is having a normal day, as quiet as they come at Torchwood, and takes advantage of the situation to catch up on some tasks left undone far too long. After some tidying and filing he finally sits down to go through the mail. Torchwood doesn't get much mail itself from anyone but UNIT, the 'tourists office' gets some junk mail and bills, and he assumes the rest is probably redirected mail for Jack. He sifts through the mail, sorting by both importance and intended receivers.

It is not until one of the last items that he comes across a envelope addressed to him. Considering how rare and odd the occasion is he flips it over and reads a return address written in shaky cursive. 'Mousehole Cornwall England,' it reads. Despite his aching curiosity he decides to run it up to Tosh first, to make sure there is no poison or anything else strange within before he opens it.

He walks it up to the main station to see Tosh, Gwen, and Jack puttering about lost within light conversation with relaxed smiles. All of them easily enjoying a day without rift activity and not getting caught up in the many things they'd left untouched, how typical. He cannot though bring himself to interrupt the carefree moment he retreats back to archives and risks opening the envelope without scanning it fist. In any case it certainly doesn't seem harmful, with a handwritten return address, and bent corners: just another normal envelope.

Slipping the letter opener through the cheap paper and tears it open without incident and he waits a second before breathing a sigh of relief. He pulls out the single piece of folder paper and sets the envelope on the table. Unfolding it he sees a short handwritten letter, it is messy with a few ink spots where the writer had paused for a second too long. He begins reading a soon finds his throat closing and hands shaking. Swallowing thickly he lowers the paper and tries to forget the words he'd just read. This, this is not what he had been anticipating when he had began reading, he wants to throw it away and ignore it yet, yet he finds he cannot.

_"Dear Ianto Jones,_

_I am not sure if you care about the information I'm going to offer you but, I'm afraid my conscious will not let me rest until I at the very least offer to share what I know. As I am sure you are aware of by now, you are adopted and though I do not know you or your parents I was very close with your biological mother. She has passed on now but, she was a lovely woman and it would be a great honor to me to meet her son and be able to regal you some tales of our time together. _

_Your mother and I were best friends throughout some of the best years of my life and if you would grant me the opportunity I would love to tell the story just this once. To tell her story to the only person other than myself with any connection to her left in this world, and let you get to know your mother. I will though respect any decision you make and if you decide not to come, write me back and let me know but, do not feel the need to explain yourself, I will understand. _

_If you do though decide to come, I'll have some tea ready and I'll make your trip worth it. _

_Sincerely, Helen Rogers"_

"Are you alright there Ianto," asks Jack from the doorway, "you seemed a little." He walks forward with a twinkle in his eye, and leans over Ianto's shoulder, "spaced out there." he finishes. Ianto tries to smile reassuringly but, it appears a tad too sad as he hurriedly folds the letter and starts to jam it back into the envelope.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." Jack has already reached around him though and snatched the paper away. Flipping it over and around curiously in his hands Jack purses his lips.

"Mousehole? Who do you know there?" Ianto bites his lip and looks away. He wants to tell Jack but, it would be wrong to burden the already fragile balance of everything with this...

"It's nothing," he brushes it off as he grabs the paper back. "Just a letter."

"From who?.. If it's nothing why is it bothering you so much?" Jack pushes and Ianto finds himself not bothered as he normally would be but, touched. Jack so rarely digs for any information or well anything from him, the concern feels nice.

"From some woman claiming she knew my mother." Ianto sighs, willingly giving in to Jacks questioning. He supposes he kind of wanted to talk about it anyway, he was just going to go to Tosh instead. "She want's to tell me about her but, I don't know if I really see the point."

"Oh, come on this is a one time opportunity," Jack cocks his head a leans closer. "And maybe some free time to _loosen up_." Ianto's lips twitch into a smile, he really could use some time away from this job. Working for Torchwood means everything to him but, eventually it wears everyone down and if a short break to recoup and get in touch with his past is what it takes to push on a while longer maybe that's what he needs to do... And well sex with Jack is something he rarely finds himself able to turn down though-

"It's all the way in Mousehole, that's nearly a five hour drive from here," he drops the letter in the bin. "It could take days, you couldn't leave Tosh, Gwen, and Owen here alone that long." Jack stalks away a pulls on his great coat.

"Well, I think I'm do for a vacation and the rift has been pretty cooperative but, if you don't want to go," he looks back as he stalks out the door. "You don't need to make excuses." Ianto smirks back as he too pulls on his jacket and follows his- Jack out the door.

In the main cave, everyone including Owen has converged into a heated conversation about, air conditioning? Shaking his head Ianto meets Jacks eyes as they share a look of fond exsaperation for their team. Jack raises his brows in the perfect 'so?' position and Ianto nods affirmative.

"Well, me and Ianto are going to take a nice vacation down in Mousehole for some sight seeing this ahhh." Jack looks at Ianto for help.

"This Wednesday."

"Right, this Wednesday." The two men look back to their colleagues who are scowling at them disbelievingly. Tosh relaxes into a soft approving smile towards her friend while Owen and Gwen remain their usual emotion driven selves.

"Let me get this straight," starts Owen. "You're BOTH leaving for a_ vacation _at the same time."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" agrees Gwen. "We barely seem to have enough staff as it is." she finishes with a nervous chuckle.

"Yeah, no kidding," Butts back in the doctor before Ianto or Jack can respond. "That'll leave only three of us and we all know Tosh doesn't go out on the feild!"

"Thank Owen but, I can count." Jack snaps offhandedly as he stuff his hands in his pockets and steps onto the lift with Ianto self consciously standing at his side. "The rift has barely been active all week, you'll be fine." The duo is gone before any more arguments can be shared tonight and Owen storms away to his med bay as the two girls share an annoyed glance.

* * *

Wednesday.

Ianto paces around his bedroom, clenching and unclenching his hands periodically. It still isn't time yet for Jack to pick him up but, his body is telling him he's late. Or forgetting something. Or their going to die in a horrible car accident. Well, he would... Shaking his head Ianto goes to plop back onto his comforter when there is a loud intrusive knock at the door, Jack. Jack who happens to be early for once.

Ianto answers the door to find the immortal man leaning against the frame with wide smile. He sweeps past him, he coast billowing behind him as he walks straight into the bedroom. He stands to the side though as he reenters the room.

"Need any help?" he asks suggestively as he looks at the suitcase on the bed.

"Nope," Ianto answers plainly, too stressed out about the whole situation to flirt right now, not that he's ever been the best at it, especially compared to Mr. Sex himself. Grabbing his bags Ianto follows Jack quietly out the door and down the steps as he chats about the car he rented for the trip, a more comfortable convertible for long drive. Only the best for his Ianto, he teases, and seems all too pleased when he gets a blush for his efforts.

They climb into the car and hit the road. Ianto lets Jack drive, per usual, as he leans against the vibrating window and stares out at the overcast sky. Random drops of rain patter against the window now and again and during a few special moments the sun breaks free but, most of the ride is filled with the continuing dullness of drab gray.

Finally a small homey hotel comes into view and Jack pulls right up to the door but, Ianto beats him out of the car.

"I'll get the rooms," he groans as he stretches out his neck.

"All right," Jack agrees as he watches shamelessly. "Get one with a comfy bed," he ignores Ianto's sigh as he continues, "you don't want to punish that neck more than you already have..." Ianto doesn't look back but, smiles at his genuine concern. "Unless of course, you want me to help you with that," Jack and Ianto both laugh before he disappears inside.

Ianto finds there to be only a single bed room available but, takes it anyway. He doesn't know what Jack is expecting but, somehow he doubts there will be any real objections unless he of course really has that kicking thing Lisa used to complain about. But, she liked to sleep lightly for nearly ten hours, Jacks the opposite, going comatose for only a few. Ianto clenches his hand around the keys angrily, he is not comparing his relationship between them, they're completely different, just thinking about sleeping habits is all. That's all.

They park the car and get the bags out of the trunk and lug them up to the second story room.

"Can we never just sleep on the first floor?" Jack whines. "It's not like we have to worry about robbers, I have a gun!"

"Keep your voice down," Ianto scolds tiredly, the monotonous trip taking more out of him then he had previously thought. "And yes, there's less bugs up there." He can almost hear Jacks expression behind him but, tries to ignore it as he sets down his bag and unlocks the door.

"Afraid of some bugs Ianto?" There it is. Ianto rolls his eyes and shuts the door loudly behind him. Jack drops his bag on the floor and flops back onto the bed carelessly. The younger man though puts the bag on top of the air conditioning unit instead and subtly checks the bed for bedbugs before falling down beside Jack. The captain looks over at him with a large yawn. "Only one bed, I like how you think Ianto! Looks like it'll have to wait though..." He finishes in a whisper as he sees Ianto has already passed out.

He gently runs his hand through his lovers soft hair before taking off his shoes and tucking him into the scratchy and cheap bed. Small towns and their mediocer hotels. He slings his old coat over a chair, and kicking off his shoes: he sits up against the head board and cracks open his laptop. Time to do some quick last minute research on Helen Rogers, cause no matter how much he and Tosh did he _feels _like he's missing something. All the information is just the same over and over though, American, 40's, lung cancer (severity unavailable), and has worked most of her life in an office. But, there's something missing, not just her connection with Ianto's mysterious unfindable mother but, more.

* * *

Ianto wakes to the smell of breakfast and the feeling of cheap sheets against his cheek. He slowly opens his still tired eyes and looks long at the still drawn curtains. Hoping and wanting to be immersed in the warm light of the sun he climbs to his feet and pads over to the window. Pulling the curtains open another overcast sky sits peacefully and he sighs in disappointment. Oh well, he had not expected any different.

Jack enters from the hallway, bouncing a bucket of ice in his hand, and smiles: pleased to see Ianto is up just in time.

"Got some breakfast and ice," he clunks the bucket onto the small corner table. "Looks like we'll be having water..." Ianto shrugs uncaringly as he finally notices he is still fully dressed from the day before, save his shoes. His clothes are wrinkly and dingy, and he immediately moves to his luggage to get another outfit. Jack watches from the side with a growing smile, he can't help it, his Ianto is so cute when he's tired and messy. He enjoys it as these moments are rare and far between.

Once Ianto has emerged from the bathroom after preparing for the day the sit across from each other and dig into their meals. Ianto stares into his eggs and wonders at why he's even here. He's tried but, can't blame Jack's pressuring for it, he's told Jack 'no' about many things plenty of times. He doesn't understand why his biological mother's life should matter to him, it's not as if she'd raised him, nor has he not had a mother. Yet here he is, taking time out of his life to learn about her's and for some reason it _matters_.

Before breakfast is even finished his fraying nerves get to him and he storms out to the balcony to call Helen and set up a time. She doesn't pick up until the third ring and sounds pretty winded when she greets him.

"Hello?"

"Hello, this is Ianto," he looks out at the misty scenery before him and gathers his emotions tightly inside before continuing. "You wrote me a letter... And I'm in town and was wondering when you would like me to come 'bout."

"Oh, that's wonderful," the woman cheers, "anytime hun. How about in time for some mid-day tea?"

"Sounds fine," he agrees politely. "I'll be there at noon."

"See you than Ianto," She hangs up the phone, not quite in time to hide her raspy cough. Ianto realizes the lung cancer Tosh had told him she had, was worse than he'd originally assumed. He probably should have met with her doctor and asked but, they'd just been too busy setting things up for their absence.

With one last long look out at the village he turns and reenters the hotel room. Jack is waiting with mostly false look of amusement, clearly concerned. Ianto walks straight past him and to his coat and shoes on the far side of the room.

"We need to get there by noon," he informs him casually, not wanting to be dragged into any sort of emotional conversation at the current moment. They always ended awkward and tense, with Jack anyway, with both of them trying too hard to lighten the atmosphere. Yeah, he definitely isn't in the mood for that right now.

"All right," Jack accepts easily, and that's the other reason Ianto doesn't want to say anything. He never knows if Jack really wants him to or not, when he accepts his obvious acting so easily. Is he just being thoughtful and giving him space or is he relieved? "I'll go pull the car around."

"No," Ianto looks up from tying his laces. "I don't mind walking," he adds with a small smile.

Together they climb into the car and hit the twisting city streets. After a few flinch worthy close calls with other drivers, Ianto is almost ready to ask to drive when they pull up to the front of a small house. The house has no driveway, only a small stone walkway through a abundantly colorful garden to a quaint little yellow house. The house seems so very out of place in the rows of multi-level grey stone apartments but, Ianto doesn't think too much on it for the moment.

It's hard to think about much of anything but, the fact he's finally- _finally _meeting someone who knew his mother. Admittedly he'd never searched that hard to find her, perhaps he had been afraid of what he would find but, now there's no turning back. Some part of him, the either hopeful or bitter part he isn't sure yet, tells him the lady's mistaken. That the nameless woman she knew was not in fact his biological mother, that he'd gone all the way down here for nothing and that his mother's identity would remain a mystery yet.

Logic though casts an undeniable doubt on that theory, no one would put the effort into getting a letter to Torchwood's mailbox if they weren't sure.

Jack's hand barely touches his back and he realizes he's hesitated at the street curb. Clenching his jaw, he steps forward and walks without faltering to Helen's front door step. He will not allow his anxiety and nervousness show or cripple him. With Jack by his side there is no wait from the time he reaches and he knocks on the door. And there is only seconds till it is answered.

* * *

_Now I know this isn't very good yet but, my computer broke so I had to write this on a system without spell check... And it's my first story. Anyway this chapter is short but, they'll hopefully be getting longer from here on out. I hope you all come back to read some more when I update. Which will be soon as possible. _

_Thank you all for reading! - TheUniversesColors _


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

The woman who answers the door is clearly Helen, that is apparently obvious, no one could look this, this horribly sickly if they didn't have a terrible life threatening illness such as lung cancer. Helen is not a small woman standing about 5'5 but, she nonetheless looks small with a nasal cannula and oxygen tank by her exhaustion hunched side. Her physical perils though do not show in her expression with eyes still bright with excitement, paired with a warm and welcoming smile.

Ianto and Helen just stare at each other for a second, both feeling shocked by the others appearance despite having previously planned their meeting. Ianto clearly shocked by her lack of health but, she's grounded by the familiarity of him. She know's she has never met this boy, only aware of his looks by a few photographs but, now meeting him in first person there's no mistaking him as anyone elses kid but, her dear old friends. She soon notices the man by his side, dressed in a long coat with undefinable eyes: worriedly hovering over Ianto's shoulder.

"It's so nice to finally meet you," she greets as she looks back to Ianto. Stepping back she gestures for them to join her in the small house. Hearing her voice now and not over the phone for the first time her American accent is quite apparent. Ianto's wonders how the tall, blond, American woman could possibly have known his birth mother but, asks no questions yet. He simply smiles, nods, and takes her invitation: stepping into her home. "A pleasure to meet you too..."

"Jack Harkness," The Captain grins charmingly and shakes her hand.

"Well than," she blushes and looks away. "Come on in, Jack."

The inside of her home is nice but, neither men find it particularly welcoming. It smells too much of disinfectant and looks to be decorated for a lady much older than Helen. They walk to the living room, in an eerie silence, not even the floor offers up a soft creak. Ianto can't remember the last time he felt so distinctly out of place. Helen offers them a seat on her floral love seat and they sit beside each other, the younger man staring pointedly at her coffee table.

"I'm going to get myself a cup of tea, would either of you like one?" Both men nod their heads just to be polite and Jack guiltily watches as she shuffles into the kitchen and puts the pot on the stove with shaking hands. He wants to stand to help her but, the air of tranquility about her movements stops him. It's clear that despite her difficulties she still loves what she's doing and wouldn't have it any other way.

After a few short yet long moments she emerges from the kitchenette precariously balancing a tray of tea's. She sets them on the table and sits across from Ianto, already sounds winded and tired despite the early hour of the day. They all sit there and busy themselves with drinking, delaying the unavoidable conversation a few more minutes.

"So you live here all alone?" Ianto asks eventually, looking around the house. The house was one level, with no steps or obvious hazards but, it still couldn't be the best option with someone with as bad as health as Helen.

"Yeah," Helen looks thoughtfully around her own house also. "I wouldn't have it any other way." Ianto arches his brow curiously and she sighs regretfully. "My doctors say it's best if I lived with someone else but, I've taken care of myself my whole life and that isn't going to change now. I've given a lot of things to cancer and someday my life but, it can't have my independence quite yet."

She hurriedly sips her drink after her short speech, trying to not to feel too subconscious about her inability to do much of anything in front of two such handsome, healthy young men.

"Well," she clears her throat one last time. "I suppose it's time we get to the point. I know you two didn't drive all the way down here to beat around the bush."

"Yes," Ianto agrees, keeping his face carefully blank. "I would like to know who my birth mother was." Helen manages to look solemn, reminiscent, and beatific all at once, one of those loaded expressions only someone who has seen too much in their life can manage. Ianto has seen similar expressions on Jack all too often.

"I met your mother a good twenty eight years ago," she responds lowly, seemingly without even knowing. "I was only nineteen, we were both so young." She finally looks up from her hands and Ianto swears he recognizes an emotion all too familiar in her hazy brown eyes. "Your mother, Rose was my best friend and- well, I loved her. She was a wonderful woman."

Ianto swallows and subconsciously leans closer to Jack, silently asking him to speak for him. Afraid that if he spoke now, emotions would choke his voice noticeably. Jack somehow picks up the subtle ques and rests his elbows on his knees as he leans forward.

"How did you know her?" He inquires in a gentle voice, sympathetic of her difficulty telling this tale. Helen shakes her head and looks back down to her hands once again. She rolls her back before sitting up with sad resignation.

"I'm not going to be able to tell you her story this way, with my lungs." She climbs with surprising efficiency to her feet, and picks up her cup. "I need another drink before we keep talking." Helen doesn't give them any opportunity to reply before she hastily exits the room, leaving her two guests bewildered.

The two men turn to each other in surprise and confusion. Why had she written that letter and had them come here to meet with her if she had not intended to tell him about his mother? theoretically she could simply provide them with her name and they could dig up her past that way but, reading cold facts off a computer screen could never stand against hearing a human first hand account. Ianto digs his thumbs into his legs and peeks over his shoulder impatiently to see Helen, true to her word, calmly preparing herself another beverage.

"What do you think she means by that?" begs Ianto, knowing Jack doesn't know more than himself but, needing the conversation.

"Don't know," Jack replies as he slings his arm over the back of the love seat so he can watch both Ianto and Helen easily. "I'm sure she didn't call us all the way to Mousehole for nothing." Ianto rolls his eyes.

"You just like saying that don't you?" he mutters but, the captain just grins back at him.

"I'm American," he shrugs, "sue me!"

"You've lived here longer than I have," argues back Ianto and Jack shrugs again, giving that trademark _'and you love me for it' _smile that the younger man promptly ignores.

Helen enters the room and sits on her chair fully aware she is being scrutinized by her two guests. She's thought long and hard how she was going bring this up, and how the conversation may go but, has come up empty and decides to just go for it. Approaching things sensitively has never really been her way anyway.

"You both have to understand I only have the best intentions," Helen remarks as she eyes the contemplatively. "As you know Ianto, I sent my letter to you work place rather than you home," she stares him in the eyes with dead set determination as she marches forward. "I sent it to Torchwood and to put it simply I know what you both do there."

"How? How do you know about Torchwood?" Jack demands but, her admission doesn't surprise him much: why else would have Ianto read the letter there and not at his apartment?

"That will all be explained in the story," she coughs and regains her breath, feeling unusually annoyed about no longer having that powerful voice that commanded others' attention. "If you will let me tell it."

"If you know about Torchwood, how did you not know who I was...?" Jack inquires, not caring how it sounds, because in the end it IS a pretty valid question.

"I had heard of you just didn't know your face." she responds, her words clipped with growing impatience. Helen knows she's a dying woman and is in no mood to be interrogated.. Even if it is rightful. "May I continue now?" Ianto nods as Jack simply sits back in his seat, his stern watchful glare that had lessened at her condition back full force.

"I would rather you didn't have to know but, now with my condition," she motions at herself helplessly. "I have no other way to tell you about Rose." There is another moment of silence as the lady gathers both her breath and her words. "I have a way to show you your mother, as I had once seen her."

"Like... time travel?" Ianto suggests apprehensively, knowing from what both Hollywood films and Jack both say: one can't risk meddling with their own time line in such a way just to fill their personal curiosity.

"No, no," Helen chuckles, "Nothing that spectacular and _impossible_!" Ianto and Jack share a look. "No, I can't take you back to meet her but, I can take you back to see how _I_ met her."

"You have a way for us to see your memories?" Jack chimes in, finding himself suddenly very interested in who is this woman is again. He knew they were missing something.

"Yes, like an old video but," she grins widely, reinvigorated with energy for the moment. "So, so much better and more accurate."

"How is that possible?" the younger man asks, sitting as far away from Helen as possible. Before hearing the story of his mother seemed hard but, this would be so much more painfully intimate. Helen's revelation seeming to be the description of bittersweet.

"What can I say," Helen chokes with a shaky shadow of a smile. "I have a gift."

"I don't know if either of you trust me enough anymore but," Helen sighs sinking into her seat. "Promise me this: go back to the hotel and think it over for the night. Tomorrow morning when you're sure than you come and tell me, tell me if this is what you want. Because I'll warn you now that it won't be easy to watch and I need your full commitment before we start this."

* * *

_I'm aware not much happens in this chapter, and it's not very long but, it's what I found to be a necessary filler. Hopefully it wasn't too boring? _

_So what do you suppose is in the past that is so hard to watch?! Thank you for reading lovelies - TheUniversesColors_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

The car is deadly silent both occupants too absorbed in indecision and thoughts to converse. Jack keeps a loose hold on the steering wheel and peers over at Ianto now and again but, finds there is really not much to be said. He wishes Ianto would speak up and tell him what he's thinking but, both of them have always had difficulties sharing their thoughts and emotions with each other so Jack doesn't blame him. But he can wish.

Jack considers Helen's invitation to... see her past and thus Ianto's mother? He knows if their positions were switched he'd struggle with the decision but, also knows from past experience that he would say yes. The Captain vows though, that he will not pressure Ianto in to choosing one way or the other, it's most likely he'll say yes but, either way Jack will accept it questionlessly. If Ianto does happen to decide he doesn't want to see his mother anymore, that it would be too hard or pointless or whatever, Jack could use a nice normal vacation anyway. He wasn't lying to him when he told him he was due for one...

Ianto leans his forehead against the cool glass of the car door's window and suppresses a sigh. He want's Jack to say something, out of the corner of his eye he sees him glance over at him periodically but, no words are spoken. Ianto knows he wants to see who his birth mother, Rose apparently, was like but, can't help but to want his partners opinion on the matter: was that so wrong? He can't help but, to also have questions though, a lot of unanswered questions, he doesn't even know how they'll view the memories or if Jack will be able to see them too. Will Jack watch them with him if he can?

It's not as if he doesn't have faith in Jack in keep him safe from Helen and maybe even whatever lays in his mother's past but, would- could Jack take this much time away from work to babysit him while catches up on his ancestry? The rift may be cooperative right now but, that could change at any moment, Gwen and Owen weren't wrong when they'd pointed out their shortage on staff. When is the last time Owen or Tosh took time off work? Was he being selfish by coming out here and taking their boss with him?

Ianto restrains himself from reaching up and rubbing his aching head, not wanting to alert Jack to his thought process. If Jack knew he was feeling like this he would drop everything, Ianto knows but, the point is he doesn't want Jack to be sticking around just because he thinks he's some damn damsel in distress. Because he isn't. Of course. God, sometimes he's just so happy people can't hear each other's thoughts.

Ianto risks sneaking a brief glance at Jack, who looks serene as he gets, for once calmly navigating the car through traffic. He realizes how rare it is when he's in the car with Jack and they aren't in some desperate hurry, Jesus their lives are so messed up. Only in a life so strange and oftentimes terrible though could he meet and fall for a man like Captain Jack Harkness so he'll take it as it is. He couldn't imagine living a life of false security and 'simplicity' anymore anyway, not after all he's learned, seen... loved.

They're at the hotel before either of them expect it. They slip inside, both of them making pathetic attempts of conversation that would sound weak even to an overhearing stranger. What in the world makes them both so bad at this? It's as if the need for an emotional conversation hangs over their heads and renders it impossible for them to have any sort of communication at all. The whole situation leaves Jack wanting to slap himself and Ianto trying very, very hard not to be bitter.

He doesn't even know what he's bitter about, is it Jack, or Helen, or the uncertainty, or himself, or just everything? A part of him wants to say something to Jack but, he's worried it'll come out mean and that would be wrong when he isn't even sure it's Jack that's bothering him. It's probably just the situation overall. Stepping into their room he shoots Jack an impatient and tired look that lets him know that tonight's not the night for Joking. Jack wasn't intending to anyway, and honestly feels a little offended in Ianto's lack of faith in him.

Ianto internally storms but, externally calmly slips off his coat, shoes, and belt before slipping into the bathroom for a hot shower. Jack watches him closely, not at all fooled by his show but, unwilling to break the uneasy silence. He stares a moment at the closed door before turning to the sunset instead. He feels his frustration rise, mostly at himself, as usual, cause no matter how much it annoys him that Ianto isn't talking to him he knows it's his fault. He's never asked him to. And he most certainly has never himself, well to any extent that would make Ianto feel like they were in that sort of relationship.

He hates how this thing between them is sometimes, he hates how no matter how much he... he- _damn it _no matter how much he feels for Ianto he can't bring it within himself to be well, they are in a relationship but, Jesus he doesn't even know what's wrong with their relationship. A lot of times when he's holding Ianto in his arms it feels like there is nothing wrong between them but, when Ianto looks at him like that he knows there is and that it's his fault but, he doesn't know what to do about it. He doesn't think looking Ianto straight in his beautiful eyes and telling him how much he cares for him is going to fix it.

But, maybe just maybe if he is there by Ianto's side, if he doesn't say pointless words but, instead shows Ianto in a much truer way by just simply being there by his side till the very bitter end, for forever, than maybe that outta be enough.

Jack undresses as Ianto exits the bathroom, hair still wet and skin glistening, Jack can't help but, to admire. They both climb into the single bed and get into comfortable positions. Staring at the darkened room, listening to the endless low squealing of the fridge fan, they settle into for a long night. Ianto doesn't even know why yet, the bad part hasn't even started but, anticipation he supposes is often as bad as the event itself.

* * *

Morning shines through the windows with a dull light, another beautiful overcast day, wonderful. Ianto cracks a smile as his own mental dialogue and rolls over thoughtlessly burying his face in Jack's shoulder to hide from the light. Usually light means getting up, going to work, and you know, not being in bed anymore. Ianto smiles at his own thoughts again and sighs when Jack automatically pulls him in closer to his body.

They enjoy each other's company and shared heat for a moment but, it is not cold in the hotel and before things get too sweaty Ianto pulls away. He looks down at Jack as he looks back up at him with a dopey smile, happy Ianto's previous nights upset has seemed to ebb away over the night.

"Good morning sunshine," he teases and pushes Ianto back down onto the bed. Hopping on top of him he pecks him on the forehead before bounding away into the bathroom without explanation. Ianto can't help the laughter that follows his happy lovers actions as he too climbs out of bed.

After collecting their 'breakfast' Ianto greets Jack with a peck of a kiss on his lips before slipping away to set up their meal. He grins devilishly as he does, because coy is actually a game he's pretty good at and it's certainly more in his realm than that time they decided to try going- ugh he shudders, that had failed and there was no reason dwelling on it.

* * *

"I'm going to do it," Ianto blurts out at a seemingly random time during their breakfast. Jack nods understandingly from across the table.

"Alright." They both look at each other for a second, glad to have cleared the elephant out of the room before returning to their meals. Poking at his eggs Ianto chews his lip and ponders everything that could go wrong what they could possibly do to, oh!

"We should call Tosh and ask if she can dig up anything about anyone else with these kinds of abilities," Jack suggests from across the table and Ianto almost laughs at their mirrored thoughts.

"I agree," he responds simply, not wanting to get away from the subject at hand quite yet. "I'll call her right now." Jack nods with a warm smile that thinking of their sweet tech often gave him.

"Tell her I say 'hi'!" he laughs and Ianto nods agreeingly before pulling out his cell phone and hitting one of the first numbers on the list.

"Oh, hey Ianto!" She answers cheerfully on the other line, "I was going to text to see how your trip was going but, didn't want to bother you."

"Hey Tosh, it's going fine thank you," he relaxes into her friendly voice. "I do have a favor to ask of you though, if you aren't too busy."

"No problem, I always have time for you," she teases and Ianto huffs a chuckle. "What can I do for you?" Ianto wanders over to and looks out the window as he explains Helen's abilities to the genius.

"So I was just hoping you could work your magic," he pokes back. "Oh, and also could you look closer for Torchwood having any affiliation with Helen, in any way or form?"

"Of course," she reassures honestly, "I'll get back to you if I find anything. And Ianto?"

"Yeah?"

"Try and have a good vacation, you deserve it, no matter what Owen and Gwen say." Ianto clenches the phone tighter and pulls in a deep ragged breath.

"I will, thank you." He closes his eyes and he can see her soft smile on the other side of the phone.

"Anytime."

The conversation with Tosh is over all to soon and Ianto can't help but, to want to talk with her longer. He had no idea how much he relies on his best friend to help him through emotional times, well maybe he does. He looks over at Jack who sits there looking over his shoulder with a particularly warm air about him that he only gets when they're alone together and is glad he at least isn't here alone.

No, Jack is better than any comfort the solitude he often enjoys could provide him right now. He shouldn't be here though, he should be in Cardiff making sure sweet Tosh is safe, and Gwen and Owen don't ruckus up too much trouble.

"Let's go to Helen's now."

* * *

They pull up to the pleasant little yellow house again, and everything appears the same as it had the day before. Not a leaf, flower, or parked car different: the whole place suspended in a pocket where time is frozen still. Neither man lets the neighborhood's odd quality visibly bother them, it's all in their imagination anyway.

Helen answers the door in a similar fashion as she had the day before and it seems she too is suspended in time, stuck in the same day of suffrage with her illness over and over. The thought makes Ianto feel sick to his stomach. He dearly hopes that in this strange universe of many terrible happenings that at least _that _isn't reality for anyone.

The woman who appears, acts, and feels all too old for her age is not very surprised but, overjoyed nonetheless that they've decided to give her a chance. She feels a great burden on her shoulders to express the wonder of a woman she had loved to a son that never got to meet her. It's a terrible burden that makes her feel hopeless because it's impossible, there were too many moments between her and Rose to ever show but, she's hopeful anyway because most people don't get this opportunity.

Most children who lost parents when they are young never get to see them smile, hear them laugh, blush, or cry, maybe over a camera but, anyone who has been in that position knows that's not the same. She supposes it's also an opportunity for Rose, most parents who die and leave behind their children with nothing but, the few moments they had shared together don't get to be remembered by those children. The whole thing would be beautiful, should be really, if only this wasn't the story she was telling. And that isn't fair, the story of the years of Rose's life that Helen had known her for though weren't fair, not for anyone.

Definitely not for Ianto and Rose but, only one of them had to live with it. Helen hopes the boy's life wasn't too bad. She's regretted not having been the one to adopt and raise him sense, she wasn't the one to do it and so she hopes she at least doesn't have the burden of having condemned him to a bad childhood too. God, she hopes he was happy.

They agree to get started as soon as possible and move to the living room again.

"So how are you going to show them to us?" Jack asks her with both honest curiosity and an ingrained need to gather information for Torchwood. Force of habit.

"We will simply interlock hands, close our eyes, and watch them, I don't know, with our minds' eye? Or is that too cliche?" She sips her tea, pre prepared for their arrival this time.

"Sounds fine to me," Jack beams back but, worries slightly. Hopefully this isn't some complicated scheme to telepathically murder them both...

"So um," Ianto strains his hands together and eyeballs Helen's seemingly innocent hands nervously. He shifts uncomfortably feeling his body starting to sweat unnecessarily, darn, nerves. He leans back and as close to Jack as possible. "Are you sure you want to go in and watch them with us, I mean it's probably pretty pointless for you to," he worries in a low and hurried voice.

"I won't if you don't want me to," Jack answers in a lower than normal but, not quite the conspiring tone Ianto had used. "but, it certainly doesn't seem pointless to me to." Ianto isn't a hundred percent sure what that means but, he thinks he does and it feels nice. He smiles and nods back, having got the answer he didn't know he was looking for. Even if Jack doesn't stay all the way through, at least well at least he thought there was a reason to and maybe even wants to and that is... good.

"Let us get started right away than," Helen offers. "I can't say how long this will take but, the sooner we start probably the better."

She rests her elbows on her knees and holds out her hands in a painfully cliche manner, perhaps they'll talk to spirits later though, Ianto mentally jokes. He subtly wipes his clammy hand dry before setting it in her cool one, and Jack copies the action to his left. And than with one last shared look between them they close their eyes and allow Helen to take them away.

* * *

_I was going to write some more about them doing stuff but, as an American my knowledge of how life is over there is pretty limited. Like all I know is your weather sucks, bad dental hygiene, HOT tea, there's no guns, you all watch Dr, who and Sherlock, and you don't eat pumpkin flavored food? _

_Thank you all of you who read, reviewed, or followed, thank you so, so much! - TheUniversesColors_


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Blackness, no not blackness but, the seemingly endless wildly blender spun whirlwind of every shade of every color, spinning all around. The spiral is to their right, left, above, and below them. For an eternal moment Jack and Ianto think it will never end, the swirling going and going but never leading anywhere. A voice a breaks through than, distorted by their crazed surroundings but, recognizable as Helen's. Ianto want's to try to reach out and grab something, to break through the colorful tornado but, can't find his physical body. The feeling of being nothing but, his mind would make his heart race but, well you know...

Soon enough to preserve their consciousness and sanity in the wildness as shapes, outlines, and distinct corners of objects begin to form through the haze. Somewhere in the distance and all around they hear Helen apologize but, neither man catches her reasoning. Ianto at first finds himself surprised but calmed to finally be _somewhere, _even if that somewhere happens to be a half empty parking lot on what appears to be a scorchingly hot day, he assumes from the appearances though as his skin feels as cool as it had back in Helen's home. That makes some sense though as he physically still there.

Ianto's original calm though is hard to keep grip on as he further processes the rest of their surroundings. Every car in the parking lot is old, some ancient but, a lot of them are new, here in Helen's memories. An unexpectedly large amount of the buildings around them are painted in pastel colors of pink, green, and yellow. A roaring pickup truck speeds past a glimmering pink Caddy and lets out a hideous puff of smog out it 'muffler'. Oh, that's right, laws about pollution and air quality were much looser back in the day. Things one doesn't think about when they're going to be seeing the past, pretty much first hand.

Ianto looks to his right to see Helen and Jack watching the same scene with much less wonder. Sometimes the younger man forgets Jack has seen and lived through this all before, no matter how impossible to forget that seems. Helen turns and meets his eyes with a reluctant smile and she breathes deeply, as if she can still smell the memory. He doesn't doubt that she can, some memories, ones either painfully important or just painful still seem fresh in his mind also, the smells, sights, and sounds forever imprinted in his mind with nightmare inducing clarity.

"I thought a good place to start," Helen explains, her accent flowing smoothly. " Was the first time I met your mother. It wasn't particularly eventful but, I suppose it's important to the story overall in any case."

Out of the blue, from the nowhere, there is a young blond lounging against the bumper a parked green BMW. She's dressed in the cliche pencil skirt, flowy blouse, and short heels and her luscious blond hair in short bouncy curls over her shoulders. The girl is not unattractive but, still so similar to the Helen they know, all the passing years aging but, not changing her appearance dramatically. The biggest difference doesn't lay in wrinkles, grays, or even rasping coughs but, instead her instantaneously recognizable bravado that the elder lacks. The younger, memory, blond lounges relaxed, sure, proud, confident, and uncaring.

Ianto knows everyone changes as they age but, to not express so many traits that one used to display both shamelessly and effortlessly is off putting. Ianto's mind swirls in an abundance of thoughts and concerns, suddenly he can't help to wonder not only what else has changed about Helen over the years, but also how Jack has changed. Jack may not age quite like the normal man and he may never die but, even in the time he has known him he has changed, would Ianto even recognize him beyond his face if he met a younger version?

"How can we see these memories from third person?" Jack's voice cuts through his thoughts, bringing him back to reality. Or where ever they are right now.

"Well, to be honest I don't have a scientific explanation for it, I never had anyone teach me about my skill, only learned what I could do through practice." Helen looks around, gazing upon her old self with a certain darkness in her eyes. Ianto can almost read the, 'gosh I was stupid and young' look off her face and restrains rolling his eyes. "I couldn't show my memories like this in the beginning though, I had to... I don't know, will it to happen. I once had someone describe it not as reliving my memories as I had but, walking through them... I think that sums it up pretty well."

Both men nod their acceptance of her answer, wanting to know more but, mutually agreeing this was not the time to continue to interrogate the lady. Jack smiles finally and leans back toward Ianto.

"You know it's been a long time since I've seen a sight like this!" He looks around as he rolls his shoulders and licks his lips. "This looks to be America though."

"Indeed it is," agrees Helen. "I didn't move to Britain till much later."

Ianto goes to add his input on the conversation, really to ask them to move on with it, he doesn't know how much longer he can stand this anticipation, when the clicking of heels brings their attention to the scene again. A lanky ginger woman with a deplorable green and purple outfit approaches the blond. The red head clutches what appears to be files and some other papers in her arms. The men also notice a few other younger girls milling around the parking lot, all looking rather unsure and nervous.

"Do you happen to know when we get to go inside?" The red head asks Helen in a flinch worthy southern accent. Helen shrugs her shoulder carelessly.

"Don't know," the blond rolls her neck and loosely gestures toward the door. "I saw a girl go ask so I would assume she would be back with news soon." Helen doesn't answer rudely, with either her tone or her voice but, she speaks with a certain snobbish quality that has their audience and the red head annoyed.

A smaller pale woman with her dark hair up in a bun, dressed impeccably particularly sleek clothing thankfully not in clown colors, and with blue eyes approaches the crowd from the building in question. She has her head bowed shyly but, a polite smile.

"We start interviewing in ten minutes," She informs them all, in a perfect British accent. It's clear as day, and yet just so completely unbelievable, that this girl is his mother. The undeniability is there in her small smile, blue eyes, pale skin, dark hair, and maybe even in the all too familiar voice that shapes their similar accents but, it's still so, just so incredible. There is his mother, Helen's expression and emotional staring confirms, after all these years since he had found out, after his childhood wishing he had different parents here's his other one. One who left him here and didn't raise him, didn't get to raise him, he reminds himself.

He refuses to let his bitterness, hurt, or, past stand in the way of this. He has to give his birth mother a chance. She's so different from he thought she'd be, far smaller and with a gentle softness in her eyes and voice. She looks to be someone undamaged by life's imperfections and that is unexpected. Ianto looks to Jack and wonders if either of them ever looked like that. By the looks of it Helen never has. But, still after so many nights after he found out, when he just laid in bed and wondered: why she gave him up, where she was, what she looked like, what she did for a living, if she was good or bad, if he had been an unfortunate burden to get a rid of or once a creation of true love and missed. He had never let his hidden curiosity run his life or influence his decisions, he thinks but, to have them answered was- is more than he ever imagined.

Her simple act of walking out the door in Helen's memory nearly floors him but, he stays standing, watching, and discovering.

"Ten minutes?!" Memory Helen groans, "It's blooming HOT out here." Both Rose and Helen ignores the ginger woman as she backs away wordlessly

"Yeah," the darker haired girl looks around, searching for something to talk about. "Gosh, I wish my car's AC was working." She laughs, easily a few quick seconds later.

"Oh," Helen nods before leaning off her car. "That's a killer. I guess you could sit with me." Helen sounds reluctant to offer and his mother more to accept but, the men can see the heat radiating off the cars and the sweat starting to bead on their faces.

"Al-alright," she grins and walks around to the passenger side. "Thank you."

"No problem," the blond sighs and they slip into her car. There is a pregnant pause of silence in the car before Rose speaks up again.

"Oh, how rude of me, I'm Rose." She looks over at Helen with an expectant cheerfulness in her eyes and even though the younger blond seems agitated she smiles back.

"Hello Rose, I am Helena."

"Well, Helena how's it feel to be helping out your competitor?" Both present Helens chuckle at the dorky comment, both also finally relaxing. Helen knows how hard it will be to watch her past with Rose's son and his partner but, goodness it is going to be wonderful too.

"I'm not too worried," jests back her younger self.

"Really?" Rose laughs. "I am." Helen glances at her disbelievingly, her professional attire, being the one to ask when they were going to interview... seemed like she was pretty capable of getting the job to her. Not wanting to accidentally dig into something bigger, like this girl's possible confidence problems or something, she decides to change the subject.

"That's a nice accent you have," she purrs, getting on a roll. "Where are you from?"

"Sheffield..." Rose swallows, clears her throat, and looks away awkwardly. She suddenly snaps her neck around and looks back though. "What about you?"

"Toledo," Helen shrugs. "It's not exactly a fancy place like Sheffield probably is." Rose laughs with Helen, for different reasons.

"Yeah, probably not."

Jack takes a step forward and subtly leans against the back of Ianto's shoulder. The feeling momentarily draws his attention away from the girls idle chat, that had taken place so long ago. The memory is, as Helen had said, quite uneventful but, he still seems unable to draw his gaze away. He stares intensely at the scene, thinking that if he looked away he'd never be able to look back, or that it would disappear, that he'd never see his biological mother again.

Helen shifts around uncomfortably by their side, trying to not look too invested in the memory but also avoiding looking at the two men, all the aware of their emotionally intimate position. Both of her guests ignore her though, hardly able to care what she, a strange woman is doing, in a moment of so many more important happenings. Jack is watching the scene but, mentally concentrating on Ianto. Ianto solely stuck in Helen's past for the moment, watching his mother, who- who he has _never _seen before move, smile, joke, breath, and _exist_. It is apparently clear that for this moment that she does exist, even if it is just in Helen's memories. And now in theirs.

"How about we move on," Helen says lowly off to their side. Either too afraid or unable to speak up above much more than a whisper.

* * *

"This was my first day at work after I got the job: about a week after the last memory," Helen monologues in back round all but, ignored by the couple. Leaning back ever so slightly into Jack's chest Ianto watches as the world around them melts away sickeningly but, soon reforms into something new.

They stand against each other, their faces blank, and lips sealed as they watch Helen stumble to the front door of the small office building. She trips over her heel, nearly breaking a polished nail, and clutches her brown bag with shaking hands. Her confidence from just a week earlier is nowhere to be seen as she seems to nearly become undone outside the front doors. She slips inside the building and into the front room.

There leaning against the desk, still perfectly dressed, is Rose. She absent-mindedly flips around a paperstapler in her hands before raising her eyes to meet Helen's. Helen suddenly seems perfectly collected and confident again as she smirks as Rose.

"You got a Job too?" the blond questions in amusment, what were the chances the one girl she had talked to got the other job?

"Yup!" Rose chirps back making a face of extreme relief. " So glad you got the other one, I was sure you had nailed the interview."

"Well, of course I did." Helen chuckles. Rolling her shoulders free of hidden tension as she relaxes into their meaningless chatter, they crack unusually loudly and Rose winces in sympathy. Helen brushes her concern off though and they watch, not caring about whatever the importance this memory must have to Helen, only cataloging every detail to memory possible. Jack being there as the perfect silent support, both metaphorically and physically: either way Ianto's grateful.

The scene plays on for a few more minutes before another small ginger woman enters the room. She has a wide smile, intelligent green eyes, and a voice that is thankfully pleasant to listen to. She introduces herself as Jewel their trainer and they watch in relative silence as she teaches them how to use their 'computers', their filing system, and such and such. Both of her students pick it up fairly well, while Rose gets it quicker leaving her counterpart visibly flustered. Ianto himself is completely left in the dust, he has to thank the world he works with modern day computers and not these... things.

The memory freezes to a halt and Helen squeezes her hands and forces a smile.

"Sorry, I hadn't meant to show you guys all that. Just... couldn't stop it once it started." Ianto nods his understanding while Jack ignores her completely. "I'll move this forward and try to keep it to the point."

"What is the point but, to show me her?" Ianto asks quietly, feeling genuinely confused by the blonds impatience with her own memories. Somehow during the entire memory he had never noticed any time passing, maybe it wouldn't always be that way but, for now he isn't complaining.

"The point is to let you get to know your mother, and her story." Helen sighs tiredly. "You don't have to see everything for that." Not wholly convinced she's right but, concerned that Jack would grow bored, he agrees and looks away.

"I have a question before we continue," Jack speaks up, he chest vibrating against Ianto's back. " What's the time conversion rate between here and real life?" Helen purses her lips and appears sheepish.

"I'm not positive anymore but, we should have plenty of time till it's late yet." Jack nods once before looking around the frozen room with intense eyes.

"Do you know anything for sure about this process?" Jack doesn't _snap _but, questions with clear irritation. Helen has the decency to look ashamed but, quietly looks away rather than dignifying the comment with an answer. "Have you decided what memories are important yet?" he adds a new softness.

"I- I think so," Helen replies sounding choked. "I need to say something more before we continue." Both of them look back toward her, suddenly feeling rather suspicious. "I need you two not to say anything about what you see here until," she looks away. "Until the end."

* * *

_I struggled to write this chapter so much, still not totally satisfied with it but, I don't think it's too terrible either. Just anticlimactic. I don't know, might change it yet. I hope you all don't hate Rose too much, I'll shape out my OC's more as time goes on as I don't plan on this being a very short story. _

_Also a little concerned with the rating of this story, I read the Fanfiction sites description of 'T' but, I still really don't know how far I should/could go with certain things with it..._

_And to my reviewer I was in fact joking, I have many relatives in England! I am rather fond of the country and no offense was intended! 3_

___Anyway more emotions, action, characters, discoveries, and Janto-ness to come!_

_Thank you all for reading and reviewing, it means a lot to me! I never thought anyone would ever actually read anything I wrote but, here we are :) - TheUniversesColors_


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"What is in these memories that is so terrible?" Ianto snaps irritably. Helen's shifty and secretive manner has been going on long enough. What could be so horrible that they would feel the need to interrupt the memory and persecute her about it? If she knows all about Torchwood she must know that they are not the most innocent or judgmental souls out there either. "Why can't you just tell us now and get it over with? It is not as if you have trouble speaking here." Feeling Ianto's rising Ire and visible impatience with the blond, Jack steps forward and tries to assume control over the situation before any unfortunate arguments are started.

"Look Helen," Jack tries to placate. "We'll need you to see Rose anyway, so it's not as if we're going to arrest you if you had done something wrong... And we work for Torchwood, surely we'd be able to understand anything you can put on the table." Helen who had been looking away shamefully turns and glares at Jack sharply.

"You won't even be able to understand when you see it," she accuses lividly. Closing her weary eyes, she momentarily touches her forehead and catches both her breath and composer. "And no, I've committed no crime I suspect either of you will be inclined to arrest me for but, back then... I was a different person, not a cruel one but, perhaps a foolish and selfish one. I have looked back many times in regret of the things I did and said back then... And the way they affected those around me."

She looks up and looks straight past Jack and meets Ianto's eyes, displaying an unexpected amount of emotion with her brown orbs. "I admit, I am afraid of how you to will react to the way," she swallows and looks away, appearing all too close to tears. "To the way I was to and with Rose. You must keep in mind that, that I was not even twenty and had not understood at the time tha- that maybe I had not treated her the way she had needed to be treated during certain times..." Helen shakes her head, glaring at her own feet. "I don't even know what I am saying or why, I was never cruel to her, never... I just have a feeling we you being her son that you will not take too kindly... In any case that isn't my only concern, what we ended up doing for a living and the ehm, _events _that take place, I would also prefer weren't discussed until we are finished."

"That..." Ianto sighs hopelessly. "That explains nothing but, if you refuse to just tell us may I suggest you move forward with showing us?" Helen and her riddles could wait till another time, if what she has to show him and Jack will truly solve all their questions why even try talking to the woman. Clearly she had refused to allow herself to speak on the subject for too long and is now incapable of it. Helen looks up, the emotions erased from her as if they'd never been there, instead replaced with a small grin.

"I will," she looks up and back to the frozen scene before and around them. "With time but, I don't think I'll be able to rush to show you anything. I've been away from the memories for too long," she continues in a tone so low the men struggle to catch her words. "and I cannot help but, to want to view them all again." Ianto clears his throat and nods to the younger version of Helen and Rose before them.

"You two were friends though, that doesn't change?"

"Not a chance," Helen responds immediately, her eyes unreadable but, face contorted into a victorious smirk. "I guess we should continue now that we've cleared the air," she finishes awkwardly. The two guests within her mind don't answer back but, step once again closer to each other and turn their heads to look upon whatever scene Helen decides to grace them with next.

* * *

"Can you believe what Jewel said?" Helen complains leaning back into her office chair and stretching languidly. "I know we applied and pretty much begged for this job and all but, 'you may have to work all hours of the day without much or any prior notice'? It's not like we are doctors on call, that's ridiculous." Rose looks up from her work, smiling lightly at Helen's exaggerated rant.

"She also said that it's very unlikely we'll be working odd hours, considering we're so new." Rose reminds her with a quirked eyebrow. Helen scoffs and curls her nose dramatically.

"Does that mean we get _less _benefits the longer we work here?" Rose shrugs, looking a little intrigued by that thought also. "In any case, I hope they never call me in to work nights: I need my beauty sleep or I'm very, _very _unpleasant to be around."

"Yeah, I used to be like that too," Rose laughs as the settles back in her chair also, ignoring her work also for the time being.

"What changed?" Helen wonders: disbelieving, she doesn't think she'll even be able to stop needing a good eight hours in every night.

"Kids is what happened," Rose rubs her face but, is unable to hide the dopey smile growing on it. "Ever since my little rugrats were born, I've gotten pretty used to long nights and unexpected hours."

"Kids? _kids?!_" Helen gapes and looks up and down Rose's body a little too obviously. "Really? I didn't think you're much older than me." She sits up in her chair shocked by the news and a little annoyed at herself, usually she can spot a mother from across the road. Now thinking on Rose's cautious vocabulary, quiet demeanor, and seemingly endless patience with helping Helen with work they had both just started it was starting to make sense, and she virtually slaps herself. How had she _not _guessed? Rose just looks so young... and innocent, Helen almost would have pegged her for a virgin.

"Well I'm probably not much older," Rose admits. "But, they're twins so it's not as if I've done it more than once." Ianto and Jack gapes from the side, starting to understand Helen's demand for their silence yet knowing they're beyond speaking right now even without it. How had they have not known this? How could Helen not have warned him about this? Does he really have siblings out there? And not just one but, twins? Possibly an older brother or sister, or both?! Or does he not? Have they too passed since this memory?

Ianto knows he hasn't missed out on having a sibling, he and Rhiannon grew up together and looked at each other as if they were but, to have one you are bound with by blood? Suddenly that's all Ianto wants to see now, he want's to see his sisters or brothers or whatever they are with his own eyes. Learning about Rose is important to him but, their fate seems to be beginning to overshadow that long since festering curiosity. Ianto shoots a sharp look at Helen but, can read nothing from her blank stare. Clearly the in reality, sickly woman has perfected her poker face and has consciously put it on now, almost as if to cruelly rub salt into the wound. To keep Rose's long lost son in the dark about the fate's of his family members awhile longer.

He cannot help but, to wonder if she is taking something out of this. A sick pleasure from his pain, or from the power of it all and even though a part of him tells him that's silly he feels like it is so anyway. She has yet to provide him with any evidence of otherwise.

Jack looks pained also, he looks at Ianto and honestly has trouble distinguishing what he sees there. He thinks he sees hope, sadness, anger, questioning, and betrayal? Jack can't know what the younger man is thinking in the moment, and doesn't know what the future holds for them as Helen refuses to share but, is fully aware whatever it is he can't leave. He realizes Ianto is wrong about at least one thing, he _can _leave Torchwood for however long it takes because no matter what this odd story of his mother's life ends of being it's not something someone can face alone.

Jack believes in Ianto with every bit of his DNA, the young man has earned nothing less but, is under no misconceptions about his emotional state. Ianto is an emotional man, he knows that from the terrible, terrible night when his girlfriend turned cyberwoman passed, from the fact he had tried so hard to save her in the first place. Seeing the last years of someone important to one's life more or less first hand would be difficult for anyone but, definitely not something Ianto should do alone. Not this.

It would take the world ending to pry him from his- Ianto's side right now and Jack would have it no other way.

Grabbing Ianto's arm he squeezes reassuringly and Ianto's shudders a deep breath as he refocuses on the memory and frees himself from his spastic thoughts.

"Aw, you have twins." Helen oggles Rose with a newly found emotion she cannot yet place. "How old are they now? What's their names?" She asks excitedly, leaning forward in her seat. Rose chuckles and leans away from Helen subtly, feeling distinctly uncomfortable with her intense attention and interest.

"They're going to be three soon," Rose's eyes seem to glow with pride and recollection. " Their names are ah, Tom," She peers over at Helen shyly, "and Ann." Helen furrows her brow, not believing.

"Aren't those names kind of American? Don't you want them to have I don't know, uh British names?"

"Well, they are American," Rose laughs in response to Helen's complete astonishment. " I moved here right before I had them, and their father is American. Though what do you consider to be a _British _name?"

"Uuhhh, I don't know," Helen refrains from biting her lip nervously. " George?" Rose snorts before covering her mouth with a self conscious laugh and blushing profusely. Helen relaxes back into her seat with a smug look at breaking through Rose's little polite shell in just a few days.

"Well, you're not wrong." Rose eventually agrees as she leans forward to return to her work. She pauses though, glancing back at her newest friend with a particular warmth in her eyes. "Maybe I'll name the next one something special, that would be wonderful."

"I agree," Helen laughs as she too returns to their drab paperwork. "As long as you remember you have me to thank for it." Rose almost snorts again before catches herself and covers it up before softly clearing her throat but, the young Helen still grins, victorious to the side.

* * *

"Rose," Helen whines loudly, easily hearable even from outside the room. "The copier machine isn't working again!" She shoves her head through the doorway and catches the older girl's eye's from across the room.

"What's wrong with it?" Rose asks patiently.

"It has that obnoxious blue screen again!"

"Do you remember how I told you to fix it last time?" the dark haired girl responds, walking dangerously close to the patronizing line.

"You uhm," Helen looks around the room as if it will offer a clue. "Hit the red button?" Rose sighs and nearly drops her head onto the desk but refrains.

"No, the blue one." She corrects coolly. Helen nods dutifully before slipping back into the hallway and staring at the machine uncomprehendingly.

"Where is it?" She shouts, impatience and hysteria starting to color her tone. No response is offered as Rose marches into the room pushes the blue button and doesn't bother looking to make sure it worked as she marches back out of the hallway. Helen grins happily as the blue screen disappears and the papers are finally sucked into the machine.

"You are wonderful!" She shouts loud enough for Rose to hear. "I should just always have you do the copying!" The answering horror filled shout of denial is faded as the memory dissipates and another takes it place. This time there is no horrible melting and feeling of being nothing as the transition is instantaneous. All three of them are grateful as Helen re-tunes her skills and the memories begin to flow together seamlessly.

Jack and Ianto watch more pointless but, still meaningful and carefully selected memories slide by. Ianto watches as his biological mother and a younger Helen chat about their favorite foods and such and such. Rose's is evidently cheeseburgers, could she be less British? Well, at least she isn't too American, he ponders, keeping her impeccable self enforced dress code, soothing accent, and gentle manners.

In the next memory both Helen and Rose are leaning against the copier looking put out with the day. The girls carefully blow on and sip at steaming mugs of coffee in their hands. Helen sighs and drops back her head into air, stretching it to a point that looks uncomfortable.

"I can't believe I have nothing to do this Fourth of July," Helen frowns thoughtfully. "I'll probably just end up watching old war movies and eating an obtuse amount of cookies." Helen hiccups a short laugh at her own joke before gulping another sip of her drink.

"Oh, that's right your independence day is coming up isn't it!" Rose says excitedly as she pushes off from her perch. "James always like to make such a big deal about it," she continues fondly,"We're going to be having party and I had forgotten all about it!"

"James?" Helen wonders tiredly, too exhausted to connect the dots and honestly a little too sad about the prospect of spending her day off shoveling junk food into her face.

"Yes, my fiance," Rose clarifies as she studies Helen's face carefully. Catching on to the blonds mood, she bites her lip before grinning again. "I don't know if you'll want to but, I would love for you to come...?" Helen looks up through her lashes, knowing her purpose for complaining on this subject has not gone unnoticed. She feels a little surprised though, of course with Rose having two kids she would be in a serious relationship but, yet the confirmation feels...

"I ah- sure." She nods with growing enthusiasm. " If you want me to... and If I wouldn't be imposing?"

"Nonsense," Rose waves her off. "We would love to have you and to be honest James has been wanting to meet someone from my work." Rose laughs uncomfortably, looking down into her cup with a blush. "And you'll have to deal with the kids being there."

"Are you kidding?" Helen grabs Roses shoulder reassuringly. "I can't wait to meet your adorable little kids." The older girl looks up from her drink with a mischievous smirk.

"Oh, yeah? How do you know my kids are adorable?"

"Because I've seen their mother," Helen breathes, leaning in closer.

"Of course," Rose responds thickly. "But, my fiance could be hideous." Helen leans away at the reminder and stares, disbelieving.

"No, way." Helen shakes her head. "You could get someone better than that!"

"Are you implying I'm shallow?" Rose jests back and Helen stares, lost for a moment before laughing.

"Remind me to never get in a fight with you, Rose." Helen shakes her head as she walks away. "I have a feeling you would win."

"I would wipe the floor with you," Rose agrees but, continues, "but, I wouldn't enjoy it."

* * *

Rose and Helen are sitting in a car, their faces glistening with sweat and hair beginning to cling to their foreheads and necks. Helen is leaning against the door while trying to lounge out in a position that won't allow her under arms to get too sweaty. Rose is driving with a dull look of acceptance of their misery.

Ianto and Jack find this scene particularly strange to watch as the car is moving down the road with the scenery passing yet they are always standing in front of it without moving. It's as if they are stand on the back of a moving car in front of them but, clearly they are not. The sensation of traveling space without moving tightens the mens' stomachs' but, the blond remains unaffected, accustomed to the feeling.

"I have never hated my car so much for breaking down before," Helen comments. Rose has the decency to look ashamed but, also a little affronted at Helen's lack of tact.

"We're just picking up James from the airport and then we can be on our way," she repeats and wipes her forehead with the back of her hand only to find her hand is also drenched. Helen nods her understanding as she pulls her hair tight and reties it in an attempt to keep it from her skin completely.

"I know but, I can't help but to ask," Helen grimaces as she sits back into her seat. "Why haven't you gotten your air conditioning fixed yet?" Rose bites her lip and looks intently out the window but, all she does is shrug. Helen clearly wants a better explanation but, leaves it as they are already pulling into the airport.

After they park the car and they walk to the front doors, they sigh in sweet relief as they step into the blessed AC of the massive building. Calmly working their way through a thin but, lively crowd and finally reach the seeked out double doors. Helen is surprised to find a line of families waiting, clutching signs and other objects with jubilant expressions. The signs are all varying messages to the same point, 'welcome home'. It is odd though, Helen hasn't remember seeing it quite like this at the airport before.

Thankfully for everyone, including the three who are watching, the wait is not long before men begin pouring out of the doors. To Helen's shock and somewhat horror, only young men dressed in fatigues pour out. How had Rose forgotten to mention her fiance was in the freaking military? Or whatever branch, Helen admits her lack of ability to distinguish between the separate uniforms. Despite all her confusion though the emotion of guilt is the strongest, she knows somewhere in her mind she had been bias against James for making Rose work and she knows there is no excuse for coming to unfounded judgments about someone without all the facts.

Ianto and Jack too find themselves surprised but, not overwhelmingly so. It does raise some questions though as to who has been watching the kids while Rose is at work. Helen just bows her head and attempts to hide her sorrow at the memory.

Rose lets out a girlish squeak before racing away from Helen and ambitiously throwing herself into a man's arms. Into James arms. She wraps her arms around his neck, her feet completely off the ground, and he clutches at the back of her blouse. The burrow their faces into each others shoulders and Helen finds she cannot look away from it. James sets down Rose and the couple remains in their embrace as they pull just far back enough to look each other in the eyes. The two share quietly spoken private words and Helen watches on from a distance as happy reunions take place all around.

Few times in the recent weeks with her new job and friend has she felt so alone. The couple is heading her way now though and it's time to meet James.

* * *

_Had a lot of fun writing this chapter and am actually happy with it! I wrote this chapter right after watching the 1968 film La Traviata so I was in the mood to write something emotional but, tried to control myself from over doing it! Btw Anna Moffo is QUEEN_

_Thank you all for reading, reviewing, and following and all that jazz :) _

_The next chapter is hopefully coming soon?!_


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

As the couple approaches her, Helen feels a growing sense of sadness. This is not only true for the Helen in the memory but, for the elder watching the scene. Neither are a hundred percent sure why they are having these feelings but, suppose their heart is trying to tell them something. The older Helen tries to watch closer and decipher what it could be but, the younger attempts to embrace ignorance. No reason to go digging in emotions and thoughts better left buried.

She takes a better look at the man with his arm slung around Rose's shoulders and finds she was right in one thing. James is by no means a hideous man. Dressed in a body forming fatigues with short brown hair and another pair of entrancing blue eyes. How in the world has two people, blessed with such wonderful physical perfection find each other and engage into what seems to be such a mutually embraced relationship? The whole thing isn't fair to the likes of the less attractive but, obviously beautiful nonetheless.

Farther back in the shadows of recollection an older Helen has come to realization that neither Rose nor James were without their flaws but, it had been their personalities that made them so wonderful. Another mistake made by a young and emotional girl.

Memory Helen leers forward at the pair with an unintentionally piercing glare at James, even her smile is wolfish: full of threats and judgment. The whole moment is rather weird considering Rose has known James far longer than Helen but, thankfully the dark haired girl doesn't seem to notice Helen's attitude. The blond looks James up and down, taking in his easy and relaxed posture and charming smile and she too calms. Slightly.

"Well, Hello." James smiles down at her, standing at what has to be nearly six feet tall, despite not being that tall for a man their situation somehow makes the difference seem bigger to the girl. "You must be Helena, Rose has told me about you."

"Oh, uh yeah," Helen stumbles awkwardly. What is one supposed to say in response to something like that again? "And you must be James! I've heard a _lot_ about you!" She almost winces at her own over enthusiasm but, the couple's soft appreciative laughter soothes her embarrassment.

"I'm looking forward to hear what she's told you," he teases as he smirks at Rose who tries to look innocent despite knowing in reality she's told her friend disturbingly little about him.

Ianto and Jack watch closely from the side, trying not to feel the increasing weirdness of being a strangely a lot like a peeping tom. Ianto wonders if this man is his biological father, or just the father of the twins. Was this man who is obviously so comfortable with his birth mother just one of her passing many or a figure to stick around for the rest of the story? Despite the growing, never ending list of questions and insecurities he doesn't even bother looking over at the older version of the blond, he knows no answers will lie there.

Watching these memories in painfully slow order is just the way things are going to go and no matter how many jitters that sends up his spine he tries to keep his nerves in order. It feels as if they have been here for many hours already and so little time has passed, he almost wants to ask Helen where her 'keeping to the point' attitude has gone but, refrains. He supposes it's better this way, getting to know Rose better this way but, his... control saps with time. To be honest Ianto finds himself exhausted and wanting to have time to sort his thoughts in private. Or at least with just Jack and without Helen's forever lingering presence.

Ianto sighs heavily and moves closer to Jack who immediately reciprocates. The older man rests his chin lightly on his partners shoulder and Ianto almost laughs at the mental image that comes to mind from the action. He can almost picture Jack looking a lot like a big puppy. If he wasn't already so darn tired he would've laughed but, instead he barely cracks a smile. He rests assured though that there is to be plenty of times yet where he will want to laugh at Jack and be able to.

"So Helena, if wouldn't you mind leading the way," he offers as he pulls Rose closer to his side. Rose chuckles and leans into the half embrace openly. Helen stares for a moment before shaking herself and leading them from the cheerful bustling of reuniting families.

Marching purposefully toward the exit doors she hears James whistle softly behind her and the follow 'oof' as Rose presumably elbows him despite the the older girls tinkling laughter reaching the blonds ears. 'But-' he laughs 'I know' Rose cuts him off with a voice similarly used to one scolding a child yet all the same, agreeing. Helen steps out of the air conditioning with a smile and easily keeps it there all the way to the car.

Their spectators watch silently as they climb into the car, this time Helen sitting in the back, James in the front passenger, and Rose again driving. Helen watches in what some might describe to be a thoughtless daze as they drive away and through passing neighborhoods, she watches as James' and Rose's hand's remain linked over the cup holder the whole way. Knowing they remain gripping each other even through the heat and sweat that must be there, Helen can't but, to feel her heart swell with endearment.

She tears her eyes away to instead stare out the window, at the passing decorations of red, white, and blue. Flags and similar decors hang from even the light posts and are scattered across individuals front lawns. Ianto finds the sheer abundance of decorations and signs praising their nation to be somewhat shocking. Why in the world would seemingly every person put so much effort into making passing stranger know what? That they are proud to be Americans?

In any case the moment is soon over and the small black car weaves into a drive way. They all look past the car's hood and to the small traditional suburbia home beyond it. The house is a off white with grey shutters, two stories tall, has a decently sized front and back lawn, and a incredible large old oak tree by the side. There is nothing special by the house yet both Helen and James look upon it in awe. James in wonder of finally being home, so close to seeing his children again. Helen because she finally gets to see where Rose lives, because she's actually arrived for a holiday party rather than spending it alone. Gosh, when had she become such a recluse? Thankfully those days seem to be coming to an end though if the party follows through without hitch.

Rose looks over toward her fiance with a small reserved smile.

"I hope I kept everything up to your standards," she wonders in a low voice. James grins back, his eyes sparkling with light and Helen wants out of the car. Out of this darn ridiculously hot car that is just way too small for this kind of thing. This uncomfortable feeling whatever it is. Rose seems to notice Helen's growing impatience and the atmosphere cools as she turns to look back at her blond friend. "Are you excited to meet Ann and Tommy?"

"Can't wait," she responds honestly. She can't imagine these two little kids being anything but, sweet angels. "Can't wait to see your house either," Rose appears surprised so Helen continues to explain herself. "I imagine it's one of those perfect homes where everything has a place!" Rose laughs but, James answers for her as they climb out of the car.

"You'll probably be pretty surprised then," he chuckles heartily and Rose scowls as she looks away. "Rose, likes to keep it homey," he finishes with a fond smile toward his wife to be that goes unseen by Rose but noticed by not only their blond guest but the unseen audience also. Just as the couple rounds the leading edge of the vehicle the neighbors front door bangs open loudly and the screech of high pitched squealing immediately joins the memory.

Two young children, appear through the doorway in two drastically different manners. A little girl with short messy hair, wide eyes, and smile tumbles out as she runs unsurely with a body that seems unable to stay securely upright. Behind her emerges an elderly woman with a soft but, emotionless expression as she holds a little chubby boy in her arms. He too seems ecstatic to see his parents and bounces with excitement but despite it remains patient in his carriers arms.

The two little children are unbelievably cute, Helen just can't stop staring with an ever growing grin across her face. She rubs her hands together tightly and restrains from running forward and scooping up the vertically challenged little angel. James does not feel her same restraint as he races forward and throws himself down heavily onto his knees as he embraces, who Helen must presume is, Ann. Both Helen and Rose wait by the car as the watch James gather his two young children in his arms, kiss their heads, and squeeze them tightly. The two kids squeeze their dad back as they chorus 'daddy' and they even hear a 'mommy' in there.

Helen, Ianto, and Jack watch the emotional reunion from the side with watery smiles of their own. Ianto is filled with such indecision about what he should assume and feel he instead simply refuses to feel anything but the shallowest of his emotions and that currently is both happiness and a distant resigned sadness. Something is going to happen, they all know, even as they watch a family be reunited and brought to life with joyful smiles and tears. They all know that in the best case scenario, Rose will eventually pass away but, the fate of even the children remains unknown to the men.

The older Helen places her hands over her mouth and nose to desperately cover up her own whirlwind of confusion and heartache. She knows she shouldn't feel so bad anymore about this period of her life, the most important, beautiful, and confusing period in her life, when she too is about to pass so soon but, she finds as long as she lives amongst these memories she won't be able to. This isn't even about walking through them with Rose's long lost son anymore, even though she hadn't walked among her memories like this in a long while before now, she had been internally living in them since they had ended. That is the price she pays: for having survived.

Helen feels like an intruder on the heart warming moment, like one of those darn photographers snapping pictures of heartbreak for others to gawk at like they could ever understand later. She has no idea how right she is at that moment and the knowledge is not lost on her older self.

The old woman, looks past James and the children to meet Rose's eyes, her look is loaded and deep: neither Helen's understand what it means. Rose nods and looks away, though the meaning of the small interaction is forever lost in translation. Rose moves forward and takes Tom from her fiance's stretched arms and suggests they move inside to the air conditioning. Helen is both grateful but still unable to look away.

She couldn't tell you what's wrong with her and her obsession with her friend and her lovely family. Her inability to explain it does not change the fact she feels it. She feels immensely blessed with the opportunity to know her friend but, desiring so much more. To be separated from this family and to never again talk to Rose, despite the limited time they've known each other, sounds similar to torture. It would be terrible and the she shakes the sudden chill away as she enters the suburbia home.

The inside of the house is everything Helen expected and yet as James had described it. It is filled with cheap and used furniture and belongings all around, with a few toys and things scattered about but nonetheless it has the defined feeling of everything having a place and purpose that Helen had expected. The interior has a lot of monotone colors and even the large glass lamp has a crack down the side but the blond supposes that is to be expected of any home with multiple little kids.

"So how about we turn on the music and start getting ready?" Rose asks as she claps her hands. Tom looks up at her from the couch where she had set him and holds his arms up in the air.

"Up, up." he demands in soft and wobbly voice that nearly makes Helen keen. When did little kids become so cute? Rose sighs and picks her son back up, tucking his too large head against her shoulder.

"I guess you'll have to start," she tells Helen as she gestures toward the kitchen where James dances around cooing to Ann, whose still in his arms. "I won't ask you to do any of the hard stuff but, could you hang up the decorations in that box over there," she points. "All around the back yard?" She sounds apologetic yet hopeful all the same so Helen takes the chore gracefully.

"No problem," she reassures. "Is there any specific way you want it?"

"Nope," she pops the P happily as starts to bounce Tom in her arms. "Anyway you do it will be great!" Helen sighs as she picks up the box and looks down at the colorful decorations.

"I bet you're pretty happy my car broke down," she teases Rose.

"Of course not," the older girl immediately replies before catching her joking tone. "Though it is a pretty big life saver. I'll be out there to help finish setting things up in a second."

* * *

Helen and her observers find themselves presumably in the back yard. A large German Shepard lays a few feet away, watching casually as she struggles to hang up the decorations. She mentally scolds herself for agreeing to do the task in the first place, she has no idea when she had started being so nice and curteous to people but, it has yet to lead to anything good. And now here she is completely without dignity as she repeatedly tries and fails to hang up red, white, and blue.

Soon enough to spare her from yelling at the observing dog and from breaking the decorations Rose joins her outside. She smiles as she notices the blonds struggle and wordlessly approaches. Helen stands back and lets her fix her mess.

"The kids finally settle down?" Helen asks eventually, unwilling to continue in silence no matter how comfortable.

"No," Rose chuckles with a shake of her head. "But, James is going to watch them till he has to start grilling in a few minutes..."

"I can watch them!" Helen finds her mouth volunteering. She quickly recovers her wits and sudden and awkward need to be over helpful. "If you need me to." Rose turns and devotes her full attention on Helen with a bright smile and sparkling eyes.

"That would be fantastic! If you don't mind of course," she looks up at the blond through her lashes and though Helen knows the action is done innocently, she can't say no to her friend like this. "I wouldn't expect you to."

"I know but it's alright." Helen nods, "Your kids seem sweet enough anyway."

"Yeah but," Rose bites her lip with a helpless shrug. "you're a stranger to them."

"We'll be fine," Helen laughs uneasily, "not that I have any experience with kids." She adds in a lower voice behind Rose's back, she doesn't intend the darker haired girl to hear but, when she laughs Helen is glad she did.

* * *

Helen spends the next half hour with Ann and Tom in the living room. The whole event is very strange and both Helen's know it will stick with them forever. As it turns out Tom prefers Tommy and Ann likes to be called Annie: Helen thinks the nicknames fit them better anyway. The little boy has a certain shy and sensitive quality that has Helen lowing her voice and using feather light touches to guide his actions. Annie on the other hand is filled with an untameable energy and endlessly babbling voice.

Helen guesses the girls personality must come from her father, as Rose is neither over energetic or very talkative. The little girl never quiets, even when she isn't speaking she making some noise or another. She shoves toy after toy in Helen's face with a prideful look and tugs on Helen's finger insistently as she refuses to be ignored. Even as the little girl saps Helen's energy and wears down her patience, she cannot grow annoyed: everything she does she blunders through with complete innocence.

Tommy is not quiet nor does he go ignored, he manages to continue drawing Helen's attention back to him without even trying. He speaks not a word the entire time, sometimes picking up toys but never playing either. He grows uncomfortable if Helen becomes to handsy and periodically cries for his parents. He is easy enough to manage though and eventually seems to settle for watching his sister and Helen play rather than being involved.

Ianto and Jack watch from the side. They stand but a few feet from their guide but, the two ignore and are ignored by her. Ianto watches the children closely but finds himself reeling at the familiarity of the two children. They remind him far too much of him and Rhiannon. If he had to imagine what he and she were like at this age it would probably be disturbingly close to the scene playing out before him. He doesn't know how much more of this he can take, it's a horrible, horribly painful train wreck he can't look away from but by God does a large part of him want to. He wants to beg Helen to stop, to at least take a break but, cannot find any words nor is he sure he could start watching again.

He doesn't know when he had started holding Jack's hand but, he's squeezing it tighter now. He no longer bothers telling himself that Jack shouldn't be here or that they should be avoiding such emotionally taxing things right now or all those ever commonly lingering doubts: he doesn't care about any of that right now. He can revisit his feelings on those subjects when they get out of this together and hopefully he and Jack can walk away from this whole event with whatever their relationship is intact as possible. Even that doesn't matter right now though, all that matter is that someone who radiates comfort, safety, and strength is behind and beside him. That will just have to be enough to survive this.

* * *

_Well, this isn't the full chapter but, I was taking so long to write it I decided to cut it shorter and start Chapter 7 earlier than planned. And I won't be getting good spellcheck until after August! :(_

_Thank you again for all the lovely support and I hope you all enjoyed it! :)_

_To be continued!- (With a maybe a dash more of excitement and development?)_


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

The emotional trio watches as play time with the adorable children comes to an end. Rose slips into the room and watches from the side for a few moments, with a soft expression before breaking up the fun. She scoops her son up tenderly into her arms and leads them into the kitchen. Through the window the delicious smell of smoke and sizzling meat wafts from the grill were James hums happily as he cooks. With the sun still high and warm above their heads, and with a bundle of joy in her arms the evening is panning out much better than even Helen had anticipated.

Rose gushes about how good Helen was with her children and Helen feels her face burn like a second sun. The praise is un expectedly wonderful, she doesn't know why she values this girls opinion so much but, she does and the feeling of her approval is quite frankly glorious. She looks Rose up and down and admires her changed outfit: the jeans and blouse look with boots is perfect on her, even though it is not particularly in style. Rose manages to make it her own and look unique without seeming to try, Helen is envious in this standard also, she finds herself dressing to the trends all too often.

"People are going to start showing up soon," Rose breaks her trance gently. She has a slight flush to her cheeks also and Helen realizes that she was in fact checking out her friend rather obviously. "Would you mind the kids a bit longer? You can take them outside if you want to."

"I would love to," Helen bites her bottom lip to keep her smile in check, "Your kids are wonderful!"

"Thank you so much," Rose tilts her head just her little way, "I have to go welcome people in." She tucks Tommy under Helen's other arm and meets Helen's eyes once more before whisping away. Helen's smile doesn't dim as she looks down at the wiggling children, growing heavier in her arms with every passing second.

Helen ducks out the back door and smiles at James who returns it as she passes him. She decides despite the fact she cannot help but to feel something against this man, he isn't bad. If anything she contemplates, he displays too much of that relaxed and self assured feeling than what she feels is natural. Sitting out in the sun bathed grass, she ignores the fact she's wildly over dressed in her work clothes, and relaxes as she watches Annie and Tommy play together a few feet away.

Helen can hear the oven timer go off and a few short moments later the distant ring of the door bell. She is disappointed that the party is about to start, she'd been enjoying her time with Roses family so much, to have new strangers added to the mix seems like an intrusion. Rose peeks her head out the back door and draws Helen's attention away from her appointed task.

"I have some clothes upstairs, that would probably fit you, if you don't want to wear that the whole time," she offers. Helen just shakes her head, she doesn't feel like giving up her responsibility of watching Ann and Tom. Rose looks both confused and yet understanding, probably for thinking she has turned down the offer for different reasons than she really had but, nonetheless she clearly doesn't feel the need to pry. "Okay," and Rose slips away back inside once again.

Rose was not wrong about peoples arrival time. Soon the yard and presumably the house is full of people. Helen is surprised by the sheer volume of people the couple must know. A couple of men gather around the grill and chat with James, they appear to also be from military. A couple families arrive with children Annie and Tommy's age and immediately remove them from her care so their children can play, even fewer people seem to be from their work. She recognizes the red head who had trained them, Jewel, if she remembers correctly though she won't be making any bets on it.

She finds herself sitting awkwardly on the edge of the patio, watching everyone else socialize, and sipping a chilled soda of some sort. She eventually feels eyes looking down at her and glances up expecting Rose or maybe even Jewel but, instead James peers down at her from over his beer bottle.

"Are you not enjoying the party Helena?" He looks both mocking and genuinely concerned and she tries not to bristle.

"It's not that," she chuckles uncomfortably, "I'm just trying to not make a fool of myself." She settles for joking, that usually breaks tension the best of anything.

"Oh, well I know what you mean," he agrees as he sits himself beside her. "Usually most of these events end with Roses disapproving scowl from across the room."

"Scowl?!" Helen laughs.

"Well," he ducks his head, "I may be over exagerrating." Helen sips her drink before looking back over at him.

"So are you going to interrogate me about our stressful office work life?" she teases. He nearly chokes on his drink before laughing along.

"No, no, of course not!" He suddenly looks serious, "Unless of course," he squints his eyes and leans closer, "there is something I should be worried about?" He stares intensely into her eyes, and she levels the look not knowing how to react. He bursts out laughing and she feels a elephant step off her chest.

"Oh you're so positive there's nothing for you to worry about?" She resumes her teasing.

"Yeah, if anyone can take care of themselves it's my girl," He grins wickedly as he sips his drink. "Didn't you know? Everyone's scared of my Rose."

"Your thorny Rose?" Helen snorts.

"Yeah," he laughs. "Something like that." The both look out at the party and watch it for some long moments. James looking far more tired than anyone his age at this time has any right to. Helen figures that's what jet lag will do to you though. Despite it having every right to be, the passing minutes are not awkward, instead there seems to be an air of mutual peace. James turns to her and shifts back onto his feet. "You know what Helena? I think we're going to get along just fine," he squeezes her shoulder and is gone before she can respond.

The sun is setting. The sky burns in passionate colors with streaks of reds and oranges. "Red sky at night, is a sailors delight," she hears Rose purr happily in her ear. She is unexpectedly close as Helen had not heard her approach but, rather than jumping she melts backwards toward her friends voice.

"I usually think of something more romantic than fishing," Helen responds thoughtlessly.

"Oh yeah," Rose ponders quietly as uses her shoulder to hold Helen up. "What are you thinking about right now?" Helen almost freezes, what does Rose want in response to a question like that?

"You." Helen responds softly, two can play the 'lets make things uncomfortable' game. Her heart skips when Rose only leans forward and rests her chin on Helen's shoulder in response: a position very similar to Jack's and Ianto's a few feet away.

As night takes rule over the land, darkness does not touch them. Coldness and darkness feels like concepts of the past as Rose's soft breaths in her ear keeps her warm and expertly hung paper lanterns hanging above the party light the yard. Rose was truly quite skilled at decorating, even with the short time alloted.

"Do you want some dessert?" Rose asks in a hushed tone. Helen knows Rose is going to move away any moment anyway, so she agrees. Rose returns a few short moments later with James beside her, they hold their children in their arms as they retake Rose's position beside Helen at the edge of the patio. She munches on a chocolate and chocolate chip brownies as the sky is lighted up colorfully.

The lights hanging up about the yard flicker off and fire works boom loudly in the distance. Odd, meaningless patterns of joyful colors crackle and dance across the sky. Helen looks away and at Rose who leans against James, looking as completely entranced by the color show as the two sleepy kids in her arms. She watches the colors and fireworks in Rose's eyes instead, reflecting off the normally soft blue that now looks deep and dark, providing the perfect back round to the fireworks brilliant colors. Never, even when she was a child, has she appreciated the show so much.

She knows for a fact that Rose never looks over at her, yet her hand sneaks away from around Tommy and slips into Helen's own. At the end of the show their eyes meet and Helen feels Rose squeeze her hand before she pulls away and kisses Tommy's forehead. The party starts thinning out soon after and night air begins to grow chilled. With only a few stragglers remaining Rose stands up and announces it's time for them to put the kids to bed.

Helen follows the couple inside, not wanting to leave their inviting presence, yet looking forward to lying down and getting some sleep before work the next day. Rose and James disappear into the house and Helen throws away the can feeling a sudden desperate need to use the restroom... and not knowing where it's at. She waits around impatiently in the kitchen for a few short seconds before risking the hallway. The bathroom can't be that far, she justifies as she slips through their house.

The second door, to the left in the hall is jarred open and she peaks in quickly. Through the doorway the room is darkened, the two kids lay in their small separate beds on both side of their parents whom are both perched on a low bench. They hold no story book in their hands as they, in soft sleep inspiring voices, twist a simple tale. Helen leans softly against the doorway as she listens in carefully.

The story is about two brilliant travelers, a girl and a boy who are both equally tough and kind. They save the day, teach a village a lesson about morals, and teach a dragon that it doesn't have to cause trouble to be adventurous. The Dragon who had seemed to be the villain in the beginning turns out to be good against all appearances and the village people bad for jumping to judgments. Helen is grinning, it's the best children's story she's been told, no princess in need of saving, no cliché actually no villain at all, and teaches something about looking past appearances that most stories don't.

She sees that Rose and James are obviously trying to teach their children some things without just sitting them down and saying it plainly and she finds it beautiful. She hopes someday they will knowingly allow her to be part of such a private and important part of their lives. She makes the educated judgement that they will not if they catch her spying though and slips away to the bathroom that is thankfully only the next door to the right.

Ianto finds the story to be wonderful to, with tears in his eyes, he's feeling exactly what he told himself he wouldn't when he'd first discovered that Ann and Tom's existence. Envious. He is envious of the happiness that seems to radiate off them without care, and of the love that shines through James' and Rose's eyes adoringly. He can't begin to fathom how different his life would be if he'd been raised by his biological mother instead of his adoptive mother, so he won't try but, that doesn't change the fact a small once silent part of his heart now screams. It screams far too loud and late for something he can never have.

He has everything he needs in life: a job, a man he loves, a sister, a friend and an apartment but, that doesn't mean he doesn't desire more. He can't help that.

The memory cuts to Helen emerging into the kitchen from the hall to see Rose waiting patiently against the counter. James is nowhere to be seen.

" James and I both drank and it's late so," Rose smiles nervously. " I was wondering if you wouldn't mind sleeping here tonight?" At Helen's apparent confusion Rose continues in a rushed manner, "I would take you home early of course, so that you would have time to dress and shower and all that and I have some sleeping clothes to borrow if you want some... You don't have to of course. I was just offering." Helen is stunned, evidently a slightly tipsy Rose is a little more loose at the tongue?

"They're called pajamas." Rose snorts and giggles before shaking her head.

"I always forget that one."

"I don't mind staying at all," Helen replies under her breath as she yawns, in fact she can't imagine having to walk all the way to the car.

"I'll go get you some... _pajamas _and I'll be right back!" She goes to hurry away but suddenly back tracks with shame hidden but yet visible in her eyes. "I'm sorry, but we only have a cou-"

"It's fine Rose, I really don't mind." Helen chuckles, "I'm so tired I could sleep anywhere."

"Are you sure," Rose bites her lip. "I don't want you to be uncomfortable all night just so you don't feel like you're inconveniencing me! Cause really I could just have James drive you home." They both crack a smile but, Helen shakes her head and goes to the living room.

Rose pops in a few seconds later with as promised pajamas and puts them on the couch with two pillows, and a big fluffy blanket. Helen pokes a pillow with an awed expression.

"What the heck is this pillow made out of?!"

"It's down Helena," Rose giggles and rubs the blanket, "and this my grandmother had made her self by hand!" Helen rubs the blanket too and looks thuroughly impressed, the softest and less static plagued home made blanket she's ever felt.

"It's very nice." She compliments.

"I'm sure she would've been glad to hear you liked it," she smiles and sighs. "Get some rest Helena-"

"Helen," the blond corrects, "It's just Helen."

"Well, Goodnight Helen," Rose whispers, her bright eyes glittering in the dark.

"You too," Helen whispers back breathily. There is no denying how there is nothing more in the world she would rather do than to lean forward right now. The elder Helen knows how obvious it is also but feels no shame, even as she knows Rose's son is watching. There is still worse to come, in both this regard and others. Rose slips away and tiptoes up the stairs back to her husband and Helen lays down alone on the couch in the dark room staring at the ceiling.

* * *

_My apologies for the lengthy wait. :(_


End file.
